Several times I ended up taking out rows of work because I made a mistake. I ended up scrapping a couple of shawls altogether because I kept doing the wrong thing and just couldn't get my brain to stick to the pattern. It was frustrating. On top of that, I found I was not being very supportive of myself at those times and I would grumble at my folly. I'd put the work down so as not to plant thoughts of frustration among the prayers of uplifting in the shawl.
Now, it may sound a little silly to care about thoughts and words being worked into an item as you are creating it, but the premise of the prayer shawl is to pray during its creation so that it is full of edifying prayer for the recipient. Theoretically, when a person dons the prayer shawl they are "covered in prayer." With that in mind, I wouldn't want anyone feeling frustration or any other negativity when wrapping up in a shawl I made.
It took me a lot longer than four or five weeks to make the shawls. Part of the delay was time - I had other obligations as well, and part was motivation. Constantly making mistakes is not conducive to feeling good about making prayer shawls. So it was months before I got them finished. But I did get them all finished and I discovered a few things in the process.
The more time lagged on, the guiltier I felt about not having the shawls completed. Admitting my shortcomings is difficult. At the same time, I was glad I could let Audrey know that I had fallen out of integrity by not completing the task as defined. Ignoring the problem does not make it go away! Owning up to my lagging behind on making these shawls, while on the one hand was embarrassing, it was also empowering.
It wasn't much of an issue that they were not ready on time, but to me it was a matter of integrity. The reason I was asked to make them in the first place was because I have reputation for doing excellent work and fervent prayer. It is an honor to be asked to do this kind of work. In fact, since Audrey's request, I now have other requests such that it has spawned a prayer shawl ministry for me.
Here's the thing. I'm helping take care of my mother in north central Minnesota so I don't really get to do a lot outside the house these days. Others around me have their ministries and they are helping others in discipleship and are active in the local community. I used to be quite involved and now I'm feeling a touch isolated so I've been praying about it. I see this as an answer to my prayers regarding my own ministry. Even though taking care of Mom is what I am meant to do for now and really my main "ministry" at the moment, I believe the Lord has enabled me to effect change in the lives of others through this prayer shawl ministry.
Now that I've gotten back into the practice of knitting and crocheting I know that it won't take me months to finish a shawl. I can now pretty well judge the time it will take to get a certain amount of work done. I've also decided to give myself permission to be finished when I'm finished and not stress out over deadlines. That's not to say I ignore deadlines; that would show lack of integrity. Now I just let people know that this is a work of love and I'll get it done within a reasonable amount of time.
Covering people in prayer is something I've always done. I believe in - I depend on the power of prayer. Now the Lord has provided me with an additional, tangible way to cover others in prayer by giving me an unexpected ministry. What a blessing it is to be used by God!
What unexpected ministry have you been blessed with?